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Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

Dec-20-08

Life imitates Art

posted by constance

I was looking for some old movies online when I somehow surfed into the official website of Tom Cruise. For many years, i’ve been watching many of his shows and it is amazing that he is now celebrating his 25th Anniversary in the entertainment industry where he acted in his first solo movie – Risky Business. He did some good shows and some bad ones but mostly the shows were entertaining. Looking back at some of the old trailers of his youth and comparing now, he certainly has aged and matured and looking just as good. Tom has some boyish good looks indeed but somehow I didn’t know why I couldn’t distinguish the difference between Tom Cruise and Charlie Sheen at times. Perhaps they both belong to the same era in the 80’s.

Charlie Sheen starred in an impressive movie Wall St in 1987 where he won an Academy Award for being best Actor in Leading Role for it. I must say that movie struck a chord in me as after watching that show, I actually went to get myself enrolled in a course to pick up some education about Brokering, Stocks and Share Market and hopefully realizing my dreams of looking for Wall St jobs. It was in the late 80s and gloomy economy that burst that dream bubble and got me back on track to the real world!

Were there ever any movie that spurred you on to make that dream come true?

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Sep-25-08

Erratic Weather

posted by constance

Today the weather is bright and sunny. Such a contrast from yesterday. Yesterday, it was pouring like cats and dogs. The night before it was also heavy. And the thunderstorm sounded whole night. I woke up few times. Double check windows and the balcony.

Yesterday morning before it poured in the morning, I saw the sky and the gloomy clouds. It was hanging like a blanket in between the brighter part.

Look at this picture I took. Looks like a scene from those movie of some thunderstorm that will wipe the town out.

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Aug-13-08

My Super Hero

posted by constance

Monday, 11th August was a special day. It will always be the special number that stayed in my heart. It was my late Dad’s birthday. Although he is no longer around, he shall always remain in that special place in my heart, of course. Along the way, I’ve met many friends whose birthday falls on this day too. They do share many similarities. Leo people can be somewhat showy but they are also passionate people in the dreams they want to achieve. They strife for what they usually love. There is a certain quietness about them but they love most of all, attention. And they make good friends.

Dad had a penchant for attention, language and aquaculture. He brought back large aquarium tanks and reared lobsters at home. He would write to forums about aquaculture in his free time. I wondered if anyone read them, because they were very texty and technical.. sigh.. But he was always proud when it gets published of course. I am trying to find archives of the NST newspaper, hoping to find them.

Most of all, he can be very good with all kinds of people. I remembered how I was entered in an Art Contest. Although I was not the top prize winner, Dad managed to make friends with the photographer and he had my picture spread on the centrepage of that newspaper. It was just unbelievable! I was horrified, actually. It was just too big for me. Why was I there in full colour, sitting and painting on an easel board? I had to fight off attention in school that I WAS NOT the prize winner..sigh.. embarrassing, eh.

My dad was instrumental in my interest for reading. After all he bought me my first reading material – a Beano comic! I spent most of my allowances on comics after that! He didn’t mind, Mum did! But I did give him some publicity in my class. I drew a portrait painting of him in art class that drew much attention. All the teachers got to know him well after that. He certainly knew how to make his presence felt in my school. He would bake cakes for my sis for the Raffles Draw and got into teachers’ good books. That was DAD. He was my Super Hero.

When I bought my first autograph book in Primary School, he was the first to pen it. I didn’t understand what he wrote but as I grew older, I understood it well.

This was what he wrote for me, in two simple lines.

To Err is Human,
To Forgive is Divine

Love, Father

It had been 2 decades since he last left us, but in my heart he will stay. Do you have a story to tell about someone special?

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Aug-4-08

The Real Guilt

posted by constance

I would like to thank all the encouraging words regarding the previous post whereby I had been thinking seriously about blogging and stopping it. Perhaps this decision came at a bad time when I was reaching the peak level of my blogs. I was trying to juggle a new blog that I had put off momentarily since March and trying to maintain my 3 current blogs as well.

I think the stress came partly because my girl is having her exams, her term-exam, or what they call CA 2. When she doesn’t do well enough in some school test, I took it very bad and I blamed myself. I felt as if I had neglected her, not just in her school work but also because I hardly spend much time with her lately. And when my little one got sick 2 weeks ago, the stress level got to a new high. After a tiff with my other half, perhaps suddenly I felt as if the world is on my shoulders.

School exams will end in end August after which they will have a week’s break then back to school to prepare for the final Semester Exam. I think I felt suffocated. Although it is not me in school, I felt that wanting to have my girl perform better than her average marks in Semester 2 proved too much for me. Rae is not the type who can achieve exceptionally high marks. I’m not going into that. She is the type who needs to be pushed and being in the Singapore education is tough for her. She worked terribly hard in her mid year to score average score managing mostly 70th percentile. With that marks, frankly, I am already a happy mom. But that means she still needs to work hard or risk slipping into the 60s range. This is mom’s anguish. I feel as if I was the one taking the exam and when she doesn’t do well I definitely reproach myself.

Can you imagine what life will be like for an average school girl when she hits upper primary? I think I just felt guilty about everything. Horribly guilty about pushing her. When I look into her, I just felt like a bad mom. I wished I could let her go at her own pace, yet I can’t afford to.

But I would like to thank all my lovely blogger friends, Dragon, Joze, Tammy, Tony, Dora, Jipunabor, Mamabok for your kind words and encouragement. Perhaps finding solace here is a good outlet for me too.

I agree that blogging should be enjoyable. Perhaps I had overlooked that part of it sometimes because there are times where I am just looking for fillers.

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Aug-3-08

To Continue Blogging or Not

posted by constance

Some days, I think a lot. In the past week or two, I did some soul searching. I’ve been on this roller coaster emotional ride and I don’t really understand it myself. At times, I wake up feeling happy and do my rounds of stuff like shuttling the girls to school, going marketing and stuff. But in the past week, my good spirits do not stretch till past noon. By late morning, I feel as if I could have done many things in a different way, or spent time doing things differently. Yet I chose to sit in front of the PC and blog, or just surf. I’ve been at this blogging for over a year. I started full time blogging half of it. But lately, there is this feeling of burnt out,  and a slight feeling like I’m wasting my time here.

I think of a lot of things I would be doing if I didn’t blog. But what. Is this a sign of wanting to quit blogging? Anyone felt that? Since the end May-June holidays, I had a short getaway and tasting the life or non-blogging days. And I believe it started from there. Sometimes I couldn’t bring myself to blog. I have loads of pictures in my image library that I’ve taken but there is not interest to write about them..

A week ago, my PR for this blog was zapped to Zero. I think I would have been affected deeply beginning of the year when my interest to blog was high. But I was not. Somehow, I felt relieved like an excuse to have less to do.

I am running low in spirits lately. sigh…

 

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Jul-30-08

Suicide Attempt Unsuccessful…

posted by constance

And Safety For Another Foiled..

I was reading yesterday’s newspaper about a woman who tried to kill herself. Well, this woman, a Taiwanese tried to commit suicide by jumping from a rooftop. She was Ms Kuo, 64, jumped from a five storey apartment building in near Taipei in this city called Chungho at about 2pm last Saturday (26th Aug). She was reported to have been ill and also attempted to commit suicide several times.

Although I am not the sort who would go into preaching, I felt that perhaps it is not the right time for her to die. If she had really been unlucky, she would have been dead in her earlier attempts. Even in this attempt of suicide, she was not successful in her death wish either. She had been given many chances to be alive but this poor woman had only that one motive in her mind, to be dead. That is so sad.

Did you really know what happened? Another woman Ms Lee, aged 53 who had just returned home with her husband, had been walking just on the ground level on that particular building. She moved below under the awning to avoid an oncoming vehicle just then. But her attempt to stay alive was foiled by Ms Kuo who jumped from the building, and fell on her. Suffering a brain haemorrhage, she died in the hospital.

We don’t really plan our lives and deaths. Just like the report above, one who do not want to die could not really avoid it at all. Had she not moved under the awning, she would have been knocked down by the oncoming vehicle. And the person who inflicted death punishment on herself is still alive. The big man up there is the person who has it all in his hands. He probably had it all mapped out.

In yesterday’s papers, it reported that an average or one suicide happens in every two hours. Last year alone, 3,900 Taiwanese killed themselves, and in Asia, Taiwan has one of the highest suicide rates!

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Jul-28-08

Monday is full of anticipation

posted by constance

Oh it is the beginning of the week again.. A week just whizzed by before I realised it. Mondays are quite stressful because it makes me feel that I have lots of routine and errands to run in the beginning of a week. Sometimes my memory fails me so I need to jot down the things, datelines, and schedule that my kids have in school, out of school and also not neglect my blog here too.

I also need to buy myself a little notebook so I can safely write down all important information like signing in userids and passwords too. Sometimes my brain jumble up and it is difficult to remember which one is for which one! Do you get that? Life is filled with ids, passwords, pin numbers, account numbers and others. It’s giving me a headache already! And I have also been visiting the blogs less than often lately.. but I will be back once I get everything in order.. Now it’s all in chaos!

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Jul-24-08

Rain Rain Go Away

posted by constance

One day rain, one day sunny. That is how the weather is like, lately. Is it like that where you are now? It’s making me sick. The girls have started to cough too. I get headaches from making dashes to the car in either rain or under the hot sun. I wonder how long more is the weather going to be like that.

With this weather, we really have to watch out for Dengue fever. Mozzies love warm weather and with warm air and lots of water, it is likely to breed. Pair it with the female Aedes, the risk of Dengue is there. I see the officials from National Environment Agency (Government) coming around more frequent to make sure we don’t have water collecting in our planters. They take samples of water most of the time.

I think I also need to get more brollies for home. Most of those I have are getting to be almost a decade old… I have not bought one for that long. Most of them are gifts. But they are showing signs of wear and tear.

My girl has complained that she can’t go downstairs to have a game of badminton lately too. It’s too wet.

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Jul-12-08

Life As A Journey

posted by constance

I was visiting a good friend of mine couple of months ago when she showed me a a little sculpture buddha she got in one of her travels. Although we have different personalities we have somewhat similar wants in life, just taking a different path. Our objective in life had changed from something materialistic to a more fulfilled destination of being blessed with a safe journey and understanding why we are there for a simple reason that God had planned for us.

We are also very proactive in Buddha’s teachings and ways and it is through many of the philosophical and subjective meanings that we try to interpret life in a more positive way and encourages one another when one party is down. I took this picture of this little happy looking Buddha because it cheers me up most of the time. Have you seen anything as pretty like that?

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Jul-11-08

Right Age for Handphone

posted by constance

Last year, my eldest daughter at age 7 asked me to get her a handphone. Most of her friends has them and uses it during their co-curiccular activities’ session. I have actually thought over it many times. I wasn’t sure if I should get one for her. At present, I give her a phone card for the public phones to use in case she needs to call me up during reccess time.

Although the calls can be controlled by using those prepaid handphone cards, I worry about the safety. I’ve heard of how some kids got their handphones snatched or stolen. I did tell her that I’d get her one when she reaches Primary 3 and that will be next year. Because her birthday falls in November at least it won’t be too soon.

However some parents tell me that with the handphone they can reach their kids easily. I do agree that I can also contact her when I am slightly late picking her up after school activities or classes but of course that would mean I am not really working out my schedule responsibility. Does any of your children has a handphone at age 8 or 9? Or even younger.

 

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